Club History

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Fulbourn Sports and Social Club Constitution

We, the people of the harmonious Fulbourn Sports FC do so declare the inalienable right to make up whatever constitution we choose without regards to common sense, correct grammar and anything else we think of. Thus we present the rules and regulations of our glorious Club as they come to mind.

RULE 1 - NAME

The Club shall be called ‘Fulbourn Sports Football Club, Get In’.

RULE 2 - MEMBERS

Members of the Club shall be:

1. Poofy hairdresser car driversPot smoking junkies

2. Little hairy fuckers

3. Worzel Gummage look-alikes

4. Ginge minge lovers

5. Little Irish Leprechauns

6. Anybody whom might furnish the Financial Director (Treasurer) with some Jack Daniels

7. All officers of the Club

RULE 3 - OFFICERS

a) The Honorary Officers shall consist of a President and Vice Presidents who must be Pamela Anderson & Linda Lusardi look-alikes. The President should be shot annually and therefore not be President anymore. His/her replacement will immediately furnish the Financial Director (Treasurer) with a bottle of Jack Daniels. All retiring Officers can fuck off and will be immediately forgotten. However, before they go they may be asked to provide a tab behind the bar for the remaining members to have a piss up

b) The officers of the Club shall consist of a Chairperson, Treasurer and a Secretary and shall be erected at the Annual General Meeting via the Pam & Linda look-alikes.

RULE 4 - COMMITTEE

The Club shall be controlled by the Committee which shall consist of a Chairperson, Treasurer (Jack Daniels lover), Secretary and a Representative from each team. The representatives to be appointed by the Committee at the AGM.

RULE 5 - CLUB OBJECTIVES

a) To find a suitable corner of the grounds to cultivate enough weed for half time refreshments.

b) To encourage as much alcohol & drug abuse the night before all matches which may continue after the game has been played at the discretion of the team manager.

c) To take the piss out of anybody and everybody within the Club via the Sunday Football website with the emphasis put on any unfortunate happenings or any embarrassing moments that may have occurred recently.

d) To organise such social occasions where copious amounts of alcohol will be consumed and plenty of the female species will be present.

RULE 6 - MEETINGS

a) The Committee shall meet every month in the Social Club on an agreed date and if that date cannot be agreed, who gives a fuck.

b) The proceedings at such meetings shall be recorded via the Social Club’s CCTV. For a fee of no less than a pint of Fosters for all in attendance and a bottle of Jack Daniels for the Financial Director (Treasurer), you may request a viewing of the meetings, please ask at the bar. As there is no sound to the recordings please be advised that you won’t know what the fuck was going on anyway.

RULE 7 - POWERS OF THE COMMITTEE

a) The property including all football equipment and/or assets of the Club shall be vested in the Committee and if we decide to do a runner, tough.

b) The Committee shall have the power to appoint such Sub-Committees and they will consist of the likes of The Smurfs, Barney and Friends, The Flower Pot Men and The Teletubbies etc. The Sub-Committees may put forward propositions to the Committee which will be decided by a vote, after which the result of the vote will be delayed by no less than five years before it is determined to be just pointless and unnecessary.

c) The Committee shall have the power to suspend from the Club any member deemed guilty of believing Elvis is alive, he’s dead, fucking face it. The Committee shallalso have the power to execute a public flogging of any member who likes the French on account that they are so fucking annoying and they smell of garlic.

d) The Committee shall have the power to pass any law they feel appropriate at the time, carefully write it down and then replace it with whatever makes sense to the writer at the time.

e) The Committee shall have the power to elect a Club Optimist and a Club Pessimist. The Pessimist’s role will be to complain about everything so that the rest of the members will not have to worry about doing so. The Club Optimist’s job will be to constantly be happy, explain everything as being good and always sing short songs. It should be noted that members should be persuaded not to bludgeon, shoot or maim the Club Optimist.

Read the actual constitution here